The Secret Diaries of Joey and Kaiba
by freewater
Summary: Sequel to 'The Secret' May or may not be a one shot. Joey and Kaiba keep diaries. Mild humour
1. Chapter 1

**_The Secret Diaries of Joey and Kaiba_**

_By: Freewater_

_Pairings: S/J Het/Yaoi (not sure)_

**_Rated: R_**

This is just a small side story to go along with 'The Secret' I'm not sure how long it will be. There is no plot so far, this chapter could just be a one shot. It depends on when I start writing again I guess.

NOTE: Because there was some confusion in the previous story over the warnings, here's the full scoop. Joey is a FEMALE in this story. The warnings say YAOI S/J because I can't write down HET S/J without confusing S/J fans. The word YAOI is added to attract the S/J fans, because even though I turned Joey into a girl he is still an original male character and I have nothing better to use for a warning.

**So you don't have to go back and read 'The Secret' if you don't want to**, this quickie story takes place after Tristan came to terms with the fact that Joey would be dating Kaiba, but before the year when she 'comes out' as a girl. She's been pretending to be a boy her entire life to keep people from taking advantage of her as she lives in a bad neighbourhood and used to be in a gang. Only Tristan, and her sister knew about it. Her mother was never around enough to notice and assumed her daughter turned into an ugly tomboy, and her father drank himself stupid and either forgot or chose not to notice or care. Recently Yami found out after sensing Joey around but finding only a girl in his place, and Kaiba found out after punching Joey in the chest and hearing a feminine scream. Also, when Joey dresses as a boy she thinks of herself as a 'Him'

This is my lousy attempt at humour, please bare with me. (Mild humour in the case that this sucks)

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**Joey's Entry March 1**

Last night wasn't too bad. I stayed over at Kaiba's place for the night and he has three, count em' THREE huge TV's! One in his gigantic living room, one in Mokuba's room (which could fit my entire kitchen and livingroom in it by the way) and one in Kaiba's room (which could fit my entire apartment in it). Watching South Park in big screen rules!

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

I invited her over and she wanted to do was watch television. Why the hell do I put up with such nonsense?

**Joey's Entry March 1**

The only problem was that Kaiba kept on staring at me while I was watching. Not too sure what I did. He invited me over! I like snuggling and watching TV ...

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

So here's what I did. It's been a while since we've had sex. It gets a little difficult trying to have a relationship with a cross dresser. I can't even kiss her in the school hallway without the risk of someone seeing and ruining my reputation. I've had plenty of girlfriends in the past, so let me make this clear to everyone reading this (and that better be no one at all, Mokuba!) Everyone thinks Joey Wheeler is a BOY!

Such a hideous lie that I sometimes wonder how I ever fell for it. Joey is all female. Trust me.

Back to the point. It gets difficult for us to be together, so I gracefully stole the remote from her hands and put it aside ...

**Joey's Entry March 1**

... But then he actually took the remote and whipped it across the room! Damn.

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

... And then I told her that since we haven't slept together in so long (weeks I tell you) that we would be having sex that night and there would be no arguing about it!

**Joey's Entry March 1**

He was actually pouting where he sat beneath the covers of the bed. So I asked him what was the matter and he mumbled that we hadn't made love in a while.

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

Naturally she tried to get out of it, something about not being in the mood, but being the epitome of commanding manliness that I am, I reminded her that she'd denied me long enough and that there would be no ifs, ands, or buts!

**Joey's Entry March 1**

I tried to explain that since we'd had a quickie in the boys locker room earlier that day that I really wasn't in the mood. I couldn't believe it when he started to beg.

He looked so cute and pathetic that I gave in. He'd kill me if he ever read that.

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

Naturally she gave in. She lowered the covers of the blanket and I then noticed that she was wearing the little pink nightie I bought for her since the plaid pajama's she used to wear were hardly sexy at all. Of course, being the annoying tom boy she is she never started wearing it to sleep until I became desperate and e-mailed her sister with instructions to tell Joey that, yes, women in the world did indeed wear those to sleep.

She grinned that wicked grin of hers and invited me to ravish her. One minute she's laughing over some stupid joke on Comedy Central and the next she talking like a little slut in my ear. That is why I put up with such nonsense.

**Joey's Entry March 1**

I still wasn't really in the mood, so I kissed him and participated when he climbed on top of me. Put on a nice show if I do say so myself, though I'm not one of those chicks who fakes it. I hang out with enough guys to know what a piss off that is. So I talked dirty in his ear, put my hands in his brown hair and yanked it back and kissed him.

I'm always open to kissing. Always in the mood for that!

When he finished I asked him if he felt better. He said he did in a sweet, husky voice. So I went back to watching TV.

**Kaiba's Computer Entry March 1**

There's one thing that pisses me off more then a woman who fakes it and that's a woman who doesn't get off with me. My face was half in a pillow as I started up at her, laughing at the TV. What the hell was the matter with her? You're telling me that after the noises I was making and the sweet, sweet, slutty talk she was giving me that she didn't become turned on in the least?

I wished I hadn't thrown away the remote, so I wrapped a sheet around myself and changed the channels manually.

"I was watching that!" She said, angry with me.

"Well now you're going to watch this." Mokuba's television had a child safety lock on it to keep him from getting these channels, and so did the TV in the living room. Only my TV has them.

Joey cocked her head and blankly stared at the pornography I turned on for her.

"Uh, what are you doing?" She asked as I got back into bed and pulled out a novel.

"Watch that for ten minutes and then come to me when you're ready." I said, flipping to where I had last left off.

She shrugged her shoulders and went back to watching, leaning herself back and putting her arms behind her head for comfort.

I wasn't really reading, but counting the seconds. Seven minutes later she jumped me.

I am such a God-damned genius. Is it no wonder I run out of condoms so quickly?

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The next morning, after the diary entries were completed, both Kaiba and Joey were dressed and heading downstairs. Joey was back in his 'male' attire and using his 'male' voice. Though Kaiba was now in the relationship deep enough to wonder how he could have ever confused the blond for a man to begin with. With such thoughts in mind, he decided to shut the blond up from her usual morning chatter by grabbing the back of her head and kissing her.

Unfortunately, that was also when Mokuba turned a corner and saw them.

"Ah! Seto! You're gay?" He shouted, snapping the both of them out of their not so little kiss.

Kaiba did a facevault before running after his younger brother to explain how kissing Joey Wheeler did NOT make him gay while Joey laugher his head off and went back upstairs to changed back into his 'girl' clothes. Poor Kaiba would be needing some proof on this one.

**_To Be Continued?_**

**A.N:** Not the end but not sure if it's going to be continued. All I have time for lately are one shot's and since that's what this has the potential to be then there might not be an update. This is for everyone who asked for a sequel. I know I said there wouldn't be one, but you know how it is with ideas. They do whatever the hell they want. Maybe when summer gets here I can start writing fanfiction again. This was written in only 45 or 50 minutes not including the editing.

Also! I'm taking a grammar course for writing. So for the first time ever I actually care if there are grammar mistakes in this thing. Before I didn't because grammar was always that strange mystical thing that no one seemed to get anyway. So if anyone spots any grammar mistakes could you do me a favour and tell me? Bare in mind I'm using standard Canadian style.


	2. Chapter 2

**_The Secret Diaries of Joey and Kaiba_**

By: Freewater

Pairings: S/J Het/Yaoi (not sure)

Rated: **R**

This is just a small side story to go along with 'The Secret' I'm not sure how long it will be. There is no plot so far, this chapter could just be a one shot. It depends on when I start writing again I guess.

NOTE: Because there was some confusion in the previous story over the warnings, here's the full scoop. Joey is a FEMALE in this story. The warnings say YAOI S/J because I can't write down HET S/J without confusing S/J fans. The word YAOI is added to attract the S/J fans, because even though I turned Joey into a girl he is still an original male character and I have nothing better to use for a warning.

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**Joey's Entry March 31**

So I woke up this morning, took a shower, brushed my teeth, everything is fine. I'm getting ready for school when my dad pounds on the door suddenly.

"Boy! Your sister is on the phone!"

"I'm coming!" I yelled, using my 'Boy' voice.

I finished dressing in my school clothes, went downstairs, and took the phone from my dad.

"Serenity?" I asked, a big cheery grin on my face.

I didn't know what I did, but no sooner did I start talking did she burst into tears and rambled things that I could make out.

"Slow down, slow down. What happened?" I thought maybe she'd had a fight with mom again, but when she told me what happened, I wished she had.

Turns out she was having a pregnancy scare. Mom didn't know, dad didn't know, and she wanted me down there to be with her when she took her test, but she also wanted me to get the pregnancy tests for her since she couldn't very well go into the pharmacy and ask for one. Word gets around in that little town, and mom would find out within days.

I was going to have to bus it down there, so I told her I'd be there the next day and quickly hung up before I exploded.

My precious little sister! Having sex! And now she thought she was pregnant? I was going to kill her! Strangle her! Murder!

When I got to school I told Tristan about it and he offered to come with me. He's such a pal.

"Josephine" was going to have to make an appearance at the pharmacy.

**Kaiba's Laptop Entry March 31**

Bad day today, very bad day. Mustn't panic, mustn't panic! Just write. Journaling is therapeutic so I need to get this down.

Mokuba was home sick with the flu, his temperature was a little up. 98.9, so I decided to keep him in bed and went to the store to get him some more of that frozen popsicle medicine he likes. It's the only thing he'll take since I have to literally force his jaws open and make him swallow the normal spoon fed medicine, and I don't like doing that.

So anyway, I walked into the pharmacy, and who should I see there but my little puppy-dog? Dressed as a girl today, which was strange since she normally didn't wear anything that outed her as a woman in public.

She looked a little upset, so I was about to approach her when that friend of her's she used to date, Tristan, showed up, and he put an arm around her shoulders.

I fought the urge to hit him when I heard what he said.

"Pregnancy scare, eh? That's tough."

My heart stopped, and I ran into the next aisle so they would not see me. Peeking in between the shelves, I saw Joey holding a home pregnancy test. Lots of them actually.

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God ...!

She nodded. "I don't know how this could have happened."

I didn't either! We were SO careful!"

**Joey's Entry March 31**

Tristan squeezed my shoulder. "Let's just buy them and get out of here. I'm sure it'll be fine."

I followed him to the checkout. "I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this. What if it's positive?"

Tristan weakly smiled at me, but decided to be useless and say nothing.

The guy behind the counter was a jerk. He looked at the both of us and smiled, then he saw the pregnancy tests and gave Tristan a sympathetic look.

"Sorry for your luck pal."

"It's not mine." He muttered hatefully.

The guy hissed painfully and looked at me. "That's even worse."

I was about to rip his head off. "For the love of–!"

Tristan grabbed my shoulders and led me out the door before I could hit the man, taking the tests and throwing the money on the counter.

"Keep the change!" Idiot.

Kaiba's Laptop Entry March 31

I grabbed the freezies and walked to the front counter. My joints felt stiff and I could hardly concentrate on where I was going.

Joey ... pregnant?

The guy behind the counter looked from the direction of the door and then at me. "Do you believe that? That chick was cheating on her boyfriend. Kid wasn't even his and he's still with her."

"I think it's mine." I squeaked.

He looked shocked. "Jesus, that girl gets around." He said.

I didn't remember jumping over the counter and hitting him until the police sirens snapped me out of it, and then I had to rush to another store to get Mokuba his freezies.

**Joey's Entry April 1**

It's Saturday today, which makes Serenity the luckiest girl in the world because mom would be at work, and Tristan was able to take the bus with me. Which meant that I couldn't kill her if he was around.

I dressed as a boy for the ride, which was strange since this one guy kept on looking over his seat at me and making kissy faces while Tristan laughed beside me. I had to keep looking behind me to make sure I was the one he was looking at. Did I look too much like a girl or was this guy gay or something?

The bus dropped us off and we took a cab to my sister's house. She looked fine that split second between opening the door and seeing me, because when he eyes landed on me she burst into tears again and threw her arms around my shoulders.

She must have been having a helluva time holding it back when mom was in the house.

She invited us in, and it wasn't until a few awkward seconds later did I notice that her boyfriend was nowhere nearby. Because I would not have hesitated to beat the crap out of him, and I'm sure Tristan would of helped me with it too.

"Where's your boyfriend?" I asked.

She sniffled. "Not here."

"Where?" I hissed, and then she started to bawl again. Apparently she told him about the possible pregnancy and he immediately broke it off with her.

Tristan and I instantly began yelling at her, not out of anger, but because of how stupid she was to date a piece of shit like that, which resulted in louder crying and about ten minutes of us begging her to stop.

Finally, I handed her the tests and she went into the bathroom. I had to stay right outside the door and coax her through the whole thing. She really was terrified. I mean, she's only fourteen.

Long minutes later, she finally came out. Tristan and I were on our feets. "Well?" We asked.

"Two lines."

We waited.

"What does that mean?" Asked Tristan.

Serenity sniffled again. "I don't know!" She wailed.

"You have to read the instructions!" I hissed, snatching up the box. The box said that if there was a positive sign, then she was definitely knocked up, if there was a negative sign, then she was baby-free.

What?

"Did you use all the tests?"

She nodded, and Tristan went to hug her.

"Where are the others?"

She pointed back into the bathroom, and I went for them.

I should have bought all of the same brand, because I found myself searching frantically for the little stick that had the negative sign on it.

When I found it, I held it above my head like it was the Holy Grail.

Salvation! She wasn't pregnant!

"No kids for you sis!"

Serenity rushed to me, took the test and looked at both it and the box, and then started to cry again.

**Kaiba's Laptop Entry April 1**

Joey seemed to be in an oddly good mood when she came over earlier this night. She hugged me, kissed me, and grinned sweetly before slinking into the kitchen and asking what we would be eating that night.

Was she supposed to be having food cravings this early?

I told her that the cook was preparing steak for us and asked her if that would be alright while looking at her slim figure hidden beneath a boy's outfit.

She was going to have one horrible time trying to hide the fact that she was a woman when she started to get fat.

Ugh.

She said it was fine and pulled a half empty bottle of wine out of the fridge.

"Can we have this with it?" She asked.

I was a little shocked that she would suggest such a thing. "I don't think you should be drinking that." I said.

She stopped halfway through pulling the cork out with her teeth. "What? Why not?"

I didn't want to say anything, so I started to mumble, but she heard some of what I'd said.

"Pregnant! Who's pregnant?"

I blinked and pointed at her. "You are."

I had to rush forward to catch her when she fainted, the wine bottle smashing open on the floor.

Thanks for the reviews 

Clarity2199

ShadowStalker666

chibikuro rose-sama

Sorry that it took so long to update this, bue once again there's no real plot. The idea to do this in Journal form came after reading a sweet, sweet book called Adrian Mole, and the way the writer did that is something I'm trying to copy here, where even the most basic of daily things can be funny.

Anyway, as there's no real plot suggestions are welcome. Thanks again for the reviews :)


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